The original tips (read, or at least skim, this first)
http://fitness.msn.com/articles/feeds/a ... d>1=5100
My friend's modded tip list.
No. 1. - Never kill.
You can smack a bitch around, but if you kill her, then you gotta find a new source of strange (and don't even think about tapping that body after a week).
No. 2 - Work the Reunions
Does she have a cuter sister? How about a cousin? You're still a member of the family if you re-marry someone that's related to the first.
No 3. - Laugh at her
Lord knows you aren't going to be entertained when she tells you about how her day went, or when she's complaining about the transmission in the bathtub. Get your entertainment when you can... if she falls down, spills something, or puts her clothes on inside out, laugh at her!
No 4. - Make the lion's roar
Chicks dig animal noises in bed. Roar like a lion. Quack like a duck. Don't put all those barnyard sounds you learned as a toddler to waste.
No 5. - Make her tender like veal.
Veal is one of the most tender meats, and it's done by locking the calf in a small cage and never letting it out. Do the same to your wife, and she'll treat you with extra tenderness.
No 6. - She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need a hole, preferably warm, preferably moist.
The closest two people can be is balls deep, so forego the cuddling and tap that ass.
No 7. - Be touchy.
Excersize your pimp hand at least twice a day. Practice until you can wail on her without leaving any marks.
No 8. - See the coffee cup?
Why the fuck is that coffee cup in the sink? Is your wife too fucking good to wash dishes? Maybe it's time to 'be touchy.'
No 9. - When she's broke, don't fix her.
If your wife's up on blocks, don't pester her. It just leads to arguments and whining. Work late at the office, getting to know that new secretary in all sorts of interesting positions instead.
No. 10 - If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Hugh Heffner's been divorced twice, and look where it got him.
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